I just can't help it.

Gosh I have to pee real bad right now, however, I just really want to dump out the contents of my mind in hopes to find an answer to my craziness. I can't help it, I am literally just crazy. I dunno... I have a lot on my mind, but when I stop to think about it, really, there is nothing there. I think about my boyfriend, and how I love him so much... so much that I go crazy and get scared at the thought of losing him. Right now, the story I have somehow contrived from the depths of my mind, is that he is intending on turning this lesbian girl straight... he works with her. I know that it sounds like I got this idea out of nothing, however, there are some random little things that could possibly, somehow, in some world somewhere, lead to such an occurance occuring. I mean, ok, we watched Gigli. Lol, yes, we did. And yes, it was bad... very bad. hahahaha... makes me giggle just thinking about it. J-lo literally turns to Ben Affleck and says, "it's turkey time, gobble gobble". Hahahahaha... Referring to her hoo-ha if you know what I mean. Either way, despite the fact that she has a girlfriend, he and her hook up in the movie. Which I think is just stupid... Sort of steals credibility away from the lesbian community. I mean, seriously, if you're a lesbian, then that's it... right? Lol.. I dunno, I guess I've always gone with the theory of the idea that there is a spectrum of sexuality. Homosexuality and all it's entirety on one end, and complete and utter hetersexuality on the other end, and everyone pretty much falls in between. Anyways, back to what I was thinking about my beau, I feel that he is somehow fascinated with the whole idea of the movie... he keeps bringing up how he thought that the movie wasn't that bad, and how the reviews make it seem so much worse than it was. He was hoping for a really bad movie that he could think about and laugh at later at how absurdly ridiculous it was, yet apparently, Gigli failed his expecations. Either way, yes, yes, all this nonsense about Gigli and so on isn't making any sense, well it is, for he works with a girl that is a lesbian, supposedly, and I somehow put pieces together in my mind that he likes her. Well, he's actually said that he liked her, and that she's cool. but nothing more. Then why is it that I think these supposedly proposterous thoughts? I just don't know. I just can't freaking help it. If only I could. Also, I was at his house down in the mills yesterday evening... all by my lonesome. I asked him to call me on his break to maybe add a little spice to my lonely night, and so he did. Yet it was quite abrupt and kurt. He was like,"ok, I'm keeping my word and calling you." and that was pretty much it. Yea, he was, keeping his word that is, but it just felt so wierd. I know, I know, 'wierd' doesn't explain much, it was just like I dunno. Ok, this is what I pictured, I pictured him talking on the phone in front of people in his office and he didn't want to sound like he was talking to his girlfriend. Wow... As I write this, I realize how absolutely crazy i am. Shit! It's so insane. I don't want to be like this anymore.  Either way... I just called my bf, he didn't answer. I think he's still mad at me for leaving his house. I don't even know if I wrote about that. So, I got really upset after that phone call he promised. I cleaned his dishes, folded his laundry, and made his bed, while steaming over it, hoping to just get over it, and I couldn't. I didn't want to face him, so I took the easy way out and just left the house... I'm not sure why I do the things I do sometimes, I just do. I guess right now, by him not answering my call is the universe giving me time to think through the decisions i've made, and help me to hopefully overcome rejuvinate my thought process. I seriously just make some really stupid decisions sometimes, I wish I didn't, but I just can't help it, but actually, after typing this out, I think that the point is that I can help it. Shit.